My College Philosophy:

Knock on a lot of doors, and see which one God opens.

Translation: Lots of college applications.

Hardest part: Balancing college prep with the school I still need to do, and still have a life.

Best part: Knowing God has all this under control keeps the future bright. Working through faith essays and high school summaries brings back sweet memories. Awesome friends and family pursuing God with me make today an adventure.

Prayer: Sanity would be nice... in the school sense. As far as following God goes, keep it crazy I say!

Encouragement to fellow seniors looking at colleges: If you are seeking God's will for your life and going through the process prayerfully, He'll land you in the right place, right where He needs you.

Can I just say, things have started looking up in the past few days. God is just so awesome.

Songs to listen to:

All the Way My Savior Leads Me
Chris Tomlin

The Center
Matthew West

Question I had after the CFA banquet...

We're teens.

What can we do to help the orphan?

This is not a rhetorical question.

Days like today

This week was really long and difficult. I was working on getting an important college application in, and it was mentally and physically draining. There were times I felt exhausted, weak, defeated, and sometimes, I just wanted to give up.
But God knows what we need, and He always provides.

God gave me today.

Today was amazing for a couple reasons.
First, I got to go campaigning with my sister and some really good friends, which was amazing. And it was sunny!! It totally made my day that in the middle of a rainy cold week, it was sunny and nice while we were canvasing this morning. I mean, it's rainy right now, but it stopped for us!
Second, I got the application in the mail. Getting some huge school project done always gives me a little bounce. My application is in the mail, and that's done and over with. In God's hands.
Third, I got a bit of news I've been waiting for, and it was good. :)

After today, I'll be diving back into a thousand things I need to do. In fact, I'm trying to get caught up on math today. The rest of this week will be difficult as I try to make up for doing nothing but college prep this week. I will be weary. I will feel weak (because I am.) I will feel defeated sometimes. But I will remember that God is good.

Life is tough. But sometimes, God gives you days like today. Days when you remember how much He loves you. Days when you crest the wave and take a huge breath of air before diving down again. Days when you stand on the top of the hill, and get your bearings on the Celestial City again. Days when you remember what it feels like to be so excited, nothing else matters. Days when it feels like your heart can't hold all the joy, because your God is so good.

Yes, I just want to say, thank you to God, for today. Today was... amazing. Like a moment can make your day, a day can make your week.

Days like today.

The answer to that pressing question...

"So, you're graduating this year. What are you going to do?"

Am I the only one who gets so tired of this question? Not because it isn't a valid question. Just because people ask it all the time, and worse, I don't have a satisfactory answer.

Sheesh, I don't know. I've got ideas. I've got plans. But with the first college application hopefully heading out the door on Monday, I have no idea what will actually happen. I can't see in to the future. Sometimes I want to just look back at the thousandth person who has asked me that this week, even though it's not their fault, and scream,

"What?! Do I look like God or something?!"

But you know, I think Aaron Watson had the right idea when he suggested replying, "I am going to worship God."

I don't know what's going to happen. With everything contingent on a hundred different decisions, only a few of which will be made by me, I don't know where I'll be in a year or two. But what I really wish I could say, what I would say, if I thought they would take me seriously, is this:

"I surely don't know, but it'll be whatever God wants!"

So there's the answer folks. Feel free to ask me for specifics, but I'm warning you, I have precious few answers.

Here's the thing, though... I know that a lot of you reading this blog are in the same place. Some of you may be older, or younger. But I know many of you are at this crazy time in life when childhood is over, you're officially an adult, but you're life hasn't quite taken off in a set course yet. There's a lot of waiting. Waiting for a college to accept you. Waiting to see if you get a scholarship. Waiting to see if you got the job. Waiting for God to finally hand you the blueprints so you know where you're headed.
And in the meantime, everyone somehow expects you to already know. Adults and peers are, with the best intentions, asking you what you are planning on doing with the next few years of your life. I've asked that question myself. And some of you may be pretty sure you know what you're doing. Maybe some of you are like me... you thought you knew, but now you're here, and you aren't so sure. Or maybe you've never known.
It's so hard. I mean, it's one thing to say, "You'll find me worshiping God!", it's quite another to actually have peace with a future you can't see. Waiting on the Lord is not a sit back and relax sort of command. It's hard work, I tell you! As Brett and Alex would put it, we're hustling while we wait, and hoping the waiting end soon, and we can have a plan.
I know. I'm there right now. Exhausted, pushing myself to get the applications and the tests done, weary of the process, feeling helpless because I just don't know.
As Indigo Montoya (Princess Bride) says: "I hate waiting."
But it's a necessary part of the journey, and it's where God has me now. I'm walking this road of waiting.
Let me just assure you of one thing.
God has always known.
Work hard. Make plans. Dream big. And in the end, leave the results of your work, plans, and dreams in God's hands, because they are safer there. And so are you.

Well, that was a long and somewhat fragmented post, but I guess it kind of matches the subject, eh? I mean, if I was to pick to words to describe this season of my life, long and fragmented would be tough competitors. But you know, there's one thing that kind of wraps it all together. And that's knowing that in the end, God knows how it all wraps together. I'm growing from it! And praise God, He's walking it with me.

And I'm learning a lot from the waiting.

~While I'm Waiting~

"Gentle Savior"

Okay, before I get to the reason for the title, a quick update:
Sorry about all the short posts! Right now I'm kind of crammed between college placement exams, early application deadlines for scholarships and colleges, and the rest of my school. All that to say, there's not much breathing room to write things like blog posts. I'll hopefully be back with more substantial posts in a couple of weeks.
[end of update]

Okay... song.
My friend sent me this song recently when I was really struggling with life in general. I'll post the video and lyrics. This guys voice is incredible, and the song lyrics are some of the best I've heard in a while.

"Gentle Savior"

Where are the signs? Which way should I go?
I planned each step but now I don’t know.
Tomorrow is a chasm of uncertainty
But, I will go there, if You’ll go with me.

Chorus
Gentle Savior, lead me on.
Let Your Spirit light the way.
Gentle Savior, lead me on.
Hold me close and keep me safe.
Lead me on, Gentle Savior.

Why can’t I walk away from my regrets
And why is forgiveness so hard to accept.
My past surrounds me like a house I can’t afford.
But You say, "Come with me; don’t live there anymore."

(Chorus)

And when I reach the valley every soul must journey through
I’ll remember then how well You know the way,
I’ll put my hand in Your hand like a trusting child would do
And say…

(Chorus)

Question

You know how generations are sometimes named? Like Baby Boomers, or Generation "X", or the lost generation?

If you could name our generation, as it is now, what would you name it?

If you could name our generation for what it could and should be, what would you name it?

God of Justice

We sang this song at debate last night. It really hit me... this is what our lives are really supposed to be about. Feeding the hungry, and standing beside the broken. It's kind of like the verse in Isaiah 58:6-11. The whole verse is in blue on the right sidebar of this blog, near the bottom, if you want to read it. It's so clear... our lives are all about service.
My favorite line is "keep us from just singing, move us into action." We aren't to just bring Him songs... we are to praise Him from the front lines.
Send us out, Lord.

(Verse 1)
God of Justice, Savior to all
Came to rescue the weak and the poor
Chose to serve and not be served

Jesus, You have called us
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give

(Chorus)
We must go live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go

(Verse 2)
To act justly everyday
Loving mercy in every way
Walking humbly before You God

You have shown us, what You require
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give

(Bridge)
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out Lord

Let me desire Your will...

"I am no longer anxious about anything, as I realize the Lord is able to carry out His will, and His will is mine. It makes no matter where He places me, or how. That is rather for Him to consider than for me; for in the easiest positions He must give me His grace, and in the most difficult, His grace is sufficient."
~Hudson Taylor

"What Thou wilt, when Thou wilt, how Thou wilt."
~John Newton

God, align my will to Yours. Let me lose my plans in Yours. Let Your purpose be mine.

Be Thou my vision.

Out of curiousity,..

Where are y'all from? (No, the y'all does not mean I'm from Texas.)

I've got 21 followers now, and google analytics is trying to convince me that some of you are from other states, and even other countries! I'm not sure I'm convinced.

So, if you're in the US, what state?
And on the very rare chance you're not from the US, what country?

I'll start. OREGON! :) Lovely state it is, too.

How 'bout the rest of you?

My Peter Moments

My testimony is not very dramatic. God didn’t suddenly grab me and pull a 180 in my life. And I think I know why. When God first started working on me, I couldn’t have handled a 180. I probably would have had a heart-attack. I was quiet, shy, easily frightened, hated change, and “small” didn’t just describe my physical attributes.
In short, I wasn't an adventurer. I was a mouse. And God knew that the growth He had in mind for me needed to be taken slowly.
It kind of reminds me of a line in one of my all-time favorite movies, Amazing Grace.

John Newton: “God sometimes does His work with gentle drizzle, not storms. Drip. Drip. Drip.”

That’s how He did it with me. He knew a bolt of lightning would probably put me into mental shock, so He did His work slowly. Piece by piece. Step by step. Drip, drip, drip. First it was homeschooling. Then it was a church change. Then another. (Switching staight from Milwaukie First Baptist to Milwaukie HOFCC would probably have put me over the top.) Then a new youth group. Then TeenPact. Through all those things, He led me gently along, step by step. Had I known where I was headed, I probably would have turned and run back. But I didn’t. I only saw the next step, and it usually didn’t look too scary. And when it did, those were usually the times that Mom and Dad made me do it. In fact, it wasn’t until a year and a half ago that I realized that all I wanted was what He wanted now. I wasn’t always scared anymore. I could take a crazy surprise every once in a while. I didn’t suddenly wake up and say, “Wow! My life stinks, I need to change!” Rather, one day I woke up and said, “Wait… I’m different. How did I get here?”

In the past year, God seems to have decided that I can handle a little more. Now I seem to be expected to willingly seek to draw nearer to Him, and actively follow His will. I’m cool with that. It excites me now. And since I’ve started being able to see more clearly what He’s doing, He’s taken me a lot of places I couldn’t go on my own.
Well, that’s where I am now. I’m places that I couldn’t have gotten to on my own. But surviving in that place of complete dependence on God is like walking a tight-rope. And when you “look down”, those are called “Peter Moments”.

Matthew 14:25-32
“Now in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went to them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out for fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.”
And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.”
So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!”
And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.”

I have this image in my head of this passage. Peter is so focused on Christ he doesn’t see anything else. Then he “looks down”. Can you picture the look on his face in that moment? The moment when he looks away from Jesus, sees that he’s walking on choppy water and thinks, “Wait a second… I can’t do this!”
It’s kind of like that for me sometimes.

God has taken me so many places in the past year that I am not able to go. I can’t. If you don't believe me... believe me. Anyone who has known me for a few years can probably tell you that the person I was two or three years ago would never have staffed TeenPact, never done debate, would never have gone to nationals, would never have done any good in Mexico with all those kids, would most definitely NOT have become an intern at a newspaper. All those things are all God.
And they’re great things. When I’m just focused on following Christ, He takes me places I could never have reached on my own.
The problem comes when I get distracted. Sometimes, I look around at where I am and what I’m doing and realize… “Wait a second… I can’t do this! I can't do what I'm doing!”
Rather than focus on Christ, I get distracted by all the waves… all the things that could go wrong or I could mess up. I begin to sink into a wave of stress and fear as I wonder how I’ll get myself out of this without hurting myself.

Sometimes all I can do is cry, “Lord, save me!”

And the moment is so beautiful, and yet so painful when He with a word stills my fears, lifts me up again, and replies, “Oh you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

Oddly Enough...

On 10-10-10, we arrived at church at 10:10, and our coffee totaled $10.10.

Weird...

On Suffering

I've been thinking about suffering. The purpose of it, and why we have to experience. Theologians and philosophers go in circles about why there is pain and suffering in the world, if God is really good. Well... I don't have an answer. But I have been thinking about why there is pain and suffering in our lives a lot (because that's a little different). So, here are my contemplations on suffering.

I think there's essentially two reasons why God allows us to suffer.
1. The "Bigger" reason
2. The "Better" reason

I guess we'll tackle them in that order.

1) The "Bigger" reason

I was talking with a friend the other day, and this friend was explaining something really difficult that had happened recently. I can't really go into the details, but basically, my friend had been trying to do the right thing, but ended up seemingly worse off for it. I was struggling with God about why He had allowed this to happen, when I thought of Joseph.
That guy had problems, but most of them weren't his fault. He told his family a couple of dreams, and they sell him into slavery. He does his very best there, and he gets thrown in prison. He is good there and interprets some dreams, and one guy dies and the other forgets about him. Things just aren't so great for him.
I think we tend to forget that unlike us, Joseph didn't know the end of the story. WE know that everything turns out alright, but poor Joe is just sitting in prison wondering why things go wrong when he tries to do right.
I can just picture him looking at the ceiling and saying, "Well that didn't work. Not sure why though..."
But what was God doing? He was doing something bigger than Joseph, or even his family. He was saving a whole nation. Joseph just couldn't see it yet.
Or what about the blind man in John 9? I visited Worldview class the other day, and David talked about this passage, and I found it really interesting. In the first verses of John 9, the disciples see a blind man on the side of the road and ask Jesus, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"
The disciples assumed that God was punishing the man and his family. They assumed pain was a being used to accomplish some (relatively) small purpose, punishment for one man, or at most, one family.
Jesus blew that opinion out of the water with His response.
"Neither this man, nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him. I must do the works of Him who sent Me while it is day; the night is coming when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world."
Woah! That's a little different. The man was blind from birth so that Jesus could reveal God's works in him while there was still time! It wasn't about the man or his family. It was about God's purposes being accomplished. Notice also, that Jesus uses half a sentence to explain why the man was born blind, then moves on and talks about God's purpose for Him (Jesus) the rest of the time. It was not about the man. The man's pain was about God!
That is definitely bigger than us.
Question: If our pain is about something bigger, are we okay with suffering if it means God's name is being glorified and His purposes are being accomplished? Something to think about.
The song I posted a couple days ago by Josh Wilson addressed this.
"Maybe there are things you can't see, and all those things are happening to bring a better ending..."
Maybe, when you're suffering, it's not really about you.

2) The "Better" reason

Maybe God is doing something in you.
I told the story about the difficult situation I went through, and the song by Sanctus Real that came on. (read that post here.)
The best things that could possibly happen to us on this earth, would be for us to come to a deeper knowledge of God, right? And the way for us to know Him better is to draw near to Him, and seek His will, right? And when do I draw near to Him the most?
In suffering.
Well, there you have it.
When I was dealing with a difficult situation, I asked my friend, Lauren, "Why did God make me go through all that, if it wasn't necessary?"
Her answer silenced me for a moment. "You don't think you learned something from it?"
Suffering is where you learn the most. It is in the furnace that we are refined. Pain hastens the sanctification process.
Here are some great quotes that I found on this.

"I have never heard anyone say, 'The really deep lessons of life have come through times of ease and comfort.' But I have heard strong saints say, 'Every significant advance I have ever made in grasping the depths of God's love and growing deep with Him have come through suffering.'"
~John Piper

"The furnace of affliction is a good place for you, Christian; it benefits you; it helps you to become more like Christ, and it is fitting you for heaven."
~Charles Spurgeon

So when we are suffering, let us persevere in the knowledge that God is a) doing something bigger than us and b) doing something better in us.
Press on friends. Do not become weary of doing good. Draw near to Christ in suffering. Trust His goodness and faithfulness.

"Resolved: after afflictions, to inquire what I am the better for them, and what I might have got by them."
~Jonathan Edwards

Devoted for Life,
~Rachel Lynn

"For I consider that the suffering of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us..."
~Romans 8:18

Prayer

Your ways are higher than ours, so often I don't understand why.
But in every discouragement, every trial,
Every time plans fall through and I can't explain,
Rather than question You, let us say,

"We're on our knees before You, Lord, in pain, but also praise,
For though we're desperate in this time,
We know who You are, and we call on Your name.
We trust Your plan and Your will, and we lean upon Your grace.

On Fear

♫ Thought: Fear is the most irrational, persistent, paralyzing emotion I've ever experienced. No wonder God advises us to fear not. Because of Christ, we don't have to, it does us no good, and once it latches on, it's hard to lose. God, don't let me live in fear.

Courageous

(v1)
Confusion is strong, and pride clouds the mind,
My heart is distracted and the world can seem kind,
I've fallen low so many times.

So prone to failure, and easily fooled,
I want to know what is right and true,
But I'm afraid of the storm I am in,
and I fall in the mud again.

(chorus)
Then I hear my Savior's voice say,
"I'll give you strength for today.
Falling is human, and standing is of grace,
Trust in My promise and you'll see My face."
He makes me courageous.

(v2)
The world is my battleground and sin has it's hold,
But Christ is my victory, I'm never alone.
Though I am unworthy and the journey is long,
The One I fight for is strong.

(chorus)
Then I hear my Savior's voice say,
"I'll give you strength for today.
Falling is human, and standing is of grace,
Trust in My promise and you'll see My face."
He makes me courageous.
--

2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Psalm 118:6
“ The LORD is my helper;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?”

Psalm 27:1-3
The LORD is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?
² When the wicked came against me
To eat up my flesh,
My enemies and foes,
They stumbled and fell.
³ Though an army may encamp against me,
My heart shall not fear;
Though war may rise against me,
In this I will be confident.

Psalm 27:14
Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!

More about simplicity

(Why the picture of the butterfly? Just because it's pretty and the design is simple, yet exquisite. But I'm not talking about butterflies.)

I was at my Algebra II class the other day, and I pondered some more on the beautiful simplicity of God's plans.
I was working on an algebra problem, trying to figure out what "x" was. ("No, really Rachel?") Just so you can see what I was working with, this was the problem:





So that was the problem. It looked really complicated to me. It was the kind I dreaded taking on. I mean really...
Those of you who love math are welcome to work the problem if you want. For those of you who would rather not, don't worry, I'll tell you the answer in a minute.

So I worked the problem, taking it step by step, filling line after line as I added, subtracted, simplified and moved integers. I worked and worked and worked. And then, I finally came up with the answer, and stared at it for a while.

x=0

Yeah. That was the answer. Zero. I had gone through all those steps, and all that stress, mind spinning, and eraser rubber to come to this answer. I had a Ben Gates moment.

"Could it really be that simple?"

During class, our teacher was talking about different formulas. And his favorite formula is the surface area of a sphere.



He loves it, because it displays the beautiful simplicity of God's design. Sphere's are one of the most complex figures to deal with, mathematically, and yet the formula for it's surface is so simple. Four circles cover the surface. Just like that.

These problems we deal with can seem so complex and intricate, because we don't know the answer. But God knows the answer. And it's so simple.

I've struggled through complex problems all summer. It's been this, that, and the other thing. Running in circles, problem solving, having new variables thrown in, and finally throwing my hands up and wondering if there is an answer. As I tried to describe a situation to someone, I finally said, "You know how you try to balance a teeter-totter with two sides? Well this is like an octagon or something. It's so complicated. It's got a ton of sides that all need to be balanced. And there's only one of me."
It seemed so complicated. And yet, when we came to the end, the answer was so beautifully simple. Some things are so simple, I can't even understand how He did it. He just solved this crazy problem with one incredibly simple answer. It's almost as if He didn't fix it by just solving the problem. He started with my heart.
"Be still."

Just like that.