One little thought that changes everything

I can’t say where the thought came from. Its first entrance into my consciousness was so unobtrusive so as to be barely noticeable. And yet it would change everything.

It seemed so innocent and unique – it piqued my curiosity, like hearing a single strain of music from an unknown location. It was quiet, barely recognizable as a thought; more of an intuition really.

What started as a gentle whisper, like a breeze on a summer day, soon became discontent with being ignored. It grew into a gnawing discomfort, prodding the deepest, most tender parts of my heart and soul, still whispering, “See me… don’t you see me?”

I nodded at it, then moved on. Maybe if I didn’t speak to it, it would go away. I didn’t find it pleasant anymore.

But the thought was persistent. It grew and grew until I couldn’t see past it – it affected everything; the way I thought, the way I felt, even how I saw the world around me. And every day its whisper grew louder until it was a voice, a shout, a roar like a waterfall pouring through my insides, screaming, “Acknowledge me! Why won’t you acknowledge me?!”

Finally the thought grew so monstrous, so pervasive, so all consuming, that I could hold it back no more than I could hold back the tide. It burst from me in a cry that was so agonized and yet so relieved for finally being spoken, “I WANT TO LIVE!

“And not just exist, like a tree or a flower lives. I want to live as only a human can – fully engaged in every moment, every sense and sentiment of this fleeting life. I want to fully know life before it is gone. I want to do more than see, I want to taste; I want to experience the colors, the music, the light, the utter miracle that is life. For we only get one life, and then eternity. I don’t want to forget life until it’s over. I want to live.”

What had once been a nagging thought became a completely intoxicating spoken word. What were once the most significant mountains became only small, irritating pebbles in my path, incapable of distracting my focus for long from the great adventure I finally saw. And what were once the “little things” -- the moments of laughter, the sun on the leaves, the sparkle in the eye, the mist on the water, the broken smile, the hugs goodbye, the seconds of silence, the music, the relationships – I suddenly realized were the substance; the very fabric God uses to weave this beautiful, haunting tapestry. They were never really the little things; they were the significant things overlooked.

But no more.

Never more must I be chained down to the inconsequential or the petty. I have found the chains are unlocked, the wings unfurled, the eyes opened with one remembrance; one simple prayer:

I want to live.