"What are You doing??"

Yes. I have asked God that. Recently, actually.
"God, what are You doing? Why are You doing it to me?"
It seemed like there were so many options that would have turned out with a happy ending, and He didn't take any of them. I couldn't understand. After all He'd taken me through to get me to this point, why was He leaving me with this?

Can you relate to what I felt? It just didn't make sense. It felt like I had been led along just to run into a dead end, running into it, falling backwards, and being hurt again for what seemed like no reason.

Right in the middle of this inward battle, the song I posted a couple days ago started playing. It didn't answer all my questions, it was simply a call to surrender.

You know, I don't think it will ever quite make sense why God does all the things He does. Sometimes we can look back and say, "Oh, I get it now..." and sometimes we don't get to. But either way, He's doing something. We are simply asked to trust Him.

"Whatever You're doing..."
It suggests not knowing. Chaos, oh sometimes our lives feel so broken and cruelly insane. But somehow, because we know He is God, there is a peace... that truly does go beyond any understanding. The peace itself doesn't make any sense. We are asked to surrender to an outcome that we can't see. I don't know how it will end up. By earthly standards, we have every reason to panic.

But there is peace. Because our God is doing something heavenly with our broken lives.

As I cried out to God that night, I heard an almost audible voice.

"I know what I'm doing."

My anxious heart stilled for those few moments as I whispered, "I know."

I know God is doing something beautiful with us. He's not leading us in circles, but to a heavenly ending. Even in the midst of these tears, God is working something inside of us that will be worth every time our hearts have been broken. He hears our cries, and I believe He feels our pain, even as He says, "I am doing something good, just wait."

Please, when you're hurting don't let it turn you away. I'm asking you to stand with me as I say that I believe Him when He says He knows the plans He has for us, that they are good, to give us a hope. Some days, faith is just a matter of holding on to what we know is true, even though we can't feel or see it. After all, who hopes for what he already sees? I know there is something heavenly, even though I can't see it. All I can see right now are my fears and those storms that threaten to knock me over again, but what we see doesn't matter as much as what we know. All these fears are temporary, and God knows what He has for us at the end.

He's doing something bigger than us, larger than our little lives, something heavenly.


"Therefore, we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed, day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal..."
~2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Desiderio Domini,
~Rachel Lynn