Psalm 16, Constant, NC, Graduation, and the all-sufficiency of Christ

So, let's talk. It's been a while! A lot has happened. As you probably gathered from the title (which looks frighteningly like an Ethos tag) (sorry, nerdy debate joke) this is going to be a rather involved post. But hopefully also an encouraging and edifying one.

Thank you for the (one) reader who commented on the Psalm of the Day! I've been reading through Psalms, and it's been a really refreshing thing to do. Well, when I was at NC, I was getting ready for an interview that I was frankly very nervous about, and I ended up having 15 minutes or so before it was my turn to just sit, pray, and read my Bible. I decided to just pick up where I had left off in my Psalms reading. The next Psalm, you guessed it, was Psalm 16. The whole Psalm is really awesome, but there were a couple parts that stood out especially to me that day.

"Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the LORD, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you."

This was the first thing in this verse that stuck out to me as I sat on the porch in the sunshine reading it out-loud. As I was preparing for an interview that was so important to me, it felt like God was talking straight to me. I have no good apart from Him. There is nothing in me alone that can recommend me to anyone for anything. He is all my good, and that's it. It reminds me of something Brett Harris said during one of the sessions.
"You are nothing apart from Christ, but you are not apart from Christ."
So that was the first thing. Just a reminder that my righteousness was like filthy rags (per Isaiah) and all my good comes from God.

"The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot."

As I read this part of the verse, I realized that I had been acting as if all these other things were my portion in life, as if losing these things would mean losing everything. But as I read this passage, I realized that when I chose to follow Jesus, it meant that I was choosing Jesus and only Jesus to be my portion. Jesus isn't just my lot in life. Jesus is my chosen portion. I chose Him because He was worth more than anything else. TeenPact isn't my portion. Debate isn't my portion. Oregon isn't my portion. My friends and family aren't my portion. Jesus is my portion, and no matter where I go, He remains with me. And at the end of the day, any of these things can be taken away from me, because I would still have Jesus.
The other part that impacted me was realizing that God was the ultimate decision-maker. (Yeah, no duh.) Yes, this interview was important. But those interviewers, at the end of the day, weren't in charge of my destiny. God holds my lot, and no one can change His will.

"The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance."

This was the part that really struck me. A couple weeks ago, I related a story that happened to me over the course of a couple days. (If you missed that one, you can read it here.) Basically, God was re-emphasizing over and over again that He is the one in control, and that He has good plans for me. Everything I read or heard seemed to come back to the idea that He is my Shepherd, and if He's moving me, it's because He has greener pastures for me.
As I was preparing for this interview, I was terrified that I was going to have to leave a pasture that had become familiar to me-- one that was a big part of my life. That I had grown in. That I had been challenged in. That I had made friends in. That I had fond memories in. That I had grown to love. And it made me want to cry to think of leaving. But as I read this passage, I felt an amazing peace come over my heart.
Here I was, being asked to trust that God was leading me into good places. And as I looked around me right where I was literally sitting, who was I to doubt Him? Hasn't He led me into beautiful places before? Hasn't He brought along only things that worked to my ultimate good? Hasn't He caused the lines to fall in pleasant places for me?
I sat there in the sunshine, looking out for hundreds of miles off Fort Bluff. The sunlight filtered through the leaves of the trees and danced in the grass among the flowers that grew along the edge of the little stream. A path wound up through the lawn out towards the rest of the camp. I could hear other students laughing, talking, and singing. 500 of them, all here to worship and learn. And I was here with them.
Yes, the lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.
And this isn't just a past statement. It's a future promise. Indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. God has an absolutely beautiful future for me. Maybe it doesn't hold everything I had hoped it would. But if not, that's because all those things are less than that beautiful inheritance. Nothing can take away the beautiful inheritance He has for me. And even if that inheritance isn't on earth, there is an everlasting one in heaven.
As I sat on the porch, I handed it over to God.
"God, You have blessed me with so many amazing things. You have led me into beautiful places, and given me loving and amazing people to walk along side me. You have brought along wonderful experiences and fantastic adventures. But they are not my portion. Take everything away from me. I don't need those things. You alone are my chosen portion. If I had all those things, but not You, it would mean nothing, for I have no good apart from You. All I need is Jesus. You hold my lot. You have caused the lines to fall in pleasant places for me, and You will lead me into the beautiful inheritance You have for me. And I trust that what You have is, in the end, the very best for me."

You know, when you really are anxious for nothing, God's peace does guard your heart and mind. Shocking, I know.

I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

I will not be shaken. Such a promise. Just say it. Out loud. God is always before you, and He is at your right hand. I will not be shaken.

So, that night, we sang "Constant" for the first time. (If you haven't listened to it, you can do so here.) It was so perfect.

Just like the sunshine, He has been our light. Leading us into beautiful places...
And yes, we've been through fire. But He's made us brighter. Leading us into beautiful places...
As we sang, cried, and prayed that night, it was so true that He came to surround us there. He had led us so far, and He is even now leading us into greener pastures. As I sang that song, I just felt my heart skip a beat and goosebumps raise on my arms with every single line. It felt like the writer had gotten into my heart and borrowed my thoughts to write the song. Or... maybe, just maybe, God really does know what we need, always.

And as I graduated last night, and moved that tassel across my cap, I was finally at peace with moving on. Saying goodbyes are, and always will be, hard. Endings will always have a tinge of bitterness. But haven't the lines fallen for us in pleasant places? Indeed... we have a beautiful inheritance. While everything else is changing, Jesus, our portion, remains constant. He will always lead us into greener pastures. And now, I am completely at peace will following my Shepherd there. Praise God. Jesus is Lord.

just like the sunshine, You have been our light,
leading us into beautiful places.
we've been through fire, but You've made us brighter,
leading us into beautiful places.

faithful Jesus, healing Savior,
compass, center, bread of life.
faithful Jesus, healing Savior,
our portion, wisdom, God's great light.