"He's not a tame Lion."

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

- 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Sometimes I read this thinking, "Lord, are You seriously telling me that Paul, a traveling preacher could serve You more effectively with a physical weakness than without it?"
In my mind, if I'm going to pick someone to travel around the known world preaching, and then sit in prison for a couple years, I'm going to pick someone who is going to be healthy. Or, if the right person really does have some physical injury and I had the power of healing, I would heal them. That's miracle enough, right? Can't God show Himself strong through healing?
Moreover, it just floors me that Paul's response is that he is content with the situation. If I were Paul, and God told me what He told Paul, I would flip right over to John 9 and say, "Hey, instead of this whole strength in weakness thing, how about You just display your power through healing me? That sounds like a way better plan, if You ask me."

But God doesn't seem to be in the business of doing things our way. 

And what more shall I say? For time would fail me to tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets— who through faith conquered kingdoms, enforced justice, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, were made strong out of weakness, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight. Women received back their dead by resurrection. Some were tortured, refusing to accept release, so that they might rise again to a better life. Others suffered mocking and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were killed with the sword. They went about in skins of sheep and goats, destitute, afflicted, mistreated— of whom the world was not worthy—wandering about in deserts and mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth.

- Hebrews 11

All were heroes of the faith. But not all proved their faith in the same ways. Some conquered kingdoms, others were tortured. Some obtained promises, others were mocked and flogged. Some stopped the mouths of lions, others stoned. Some quenched the violence of fire, others sawn in two. Some received their dead back to life, others were themselves killed. And not a single one got to decide which part of the list they were on.

As I pray, I often pray to be on the earlier part of the list. Please let me glorify Your name by unexpected success -- not excruciating loss.

Facing the very real possibility that God may not answer my prayers the way I want in certain areas, I'm very tempted to panic. I have literally been on my knees, in tears, begging God to act in a certain way as I suddenly realize how true it is that He is not required to do it my way.

I may not be on the list of those conquering kingdoms, being healed of physical infirmities, and receiving my dead back to life. I may be on the list of those who glorify God by how well they walk in the fire.

"He is not a tame Lion."

I never really thought about that line in Chronicles of Narnia. Now, I suddenly understand. Just because I pray, and beg, and desperately want God to act in a certain way... He may not. He is not my Santa Claus or my vending machine. He is God.

But perhaps that is the essence of trust and surrender. Trust isn't trust if you know what the other person will do. Trust is not knowing -- but knowing it will always be the right thing. It may not be easy, it may not be what I want, I may not understand for a very, very long time why God did what He did. Trust and surrender mean knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that all God's ways are righteous -- knowing it so much that it brings true contentment and peace.

"He is not a tame Lion. But He is good."